"Maximum Capacity"
There are few characters that I have changed my opinion on more than Rose Quartz. She was one of my favorites from the start of Steven Universe, mostly because of her aesthetic more than anything else. The myth behind her was intriguing and offered depth to the early episodes as we learned about the Crystal Gems and Steven, how they relate to one another and how Rose Quartz acted as a connection between them. Then, We Need To Talk aired. I felt deeply conflicted about the sharp turn seen in Rose’s character, like her fundamental personality had been tarnished. It was only upon some deeper thinking that I realized how much this change meant to me. It allowed me to think about the show in a different and more personal light.
"We Need to Talk"
For me, Steven is meant to parse through the myth surrounding his mother and, just like many other myths, a lot of the story is skewed by the people telling it. The Crystal Gems loved Rose. She was so many different things to them: a leader, a friend, a comrade in arms, a lover (kind of). Rose inspired all of them to rise above their caste dictated by Homeworld doctrine. While we see Steven grapple with the fact he himself has never been able to know her, it wasn’t until we heard from Greg that the significance of Steven’s feelings were made apparent to me. Greg’s perspective allows us to see her playful nature in a painful light, both in the scene with Rainbow Quartz and the one where Greg tries to fuse with Rose. Her complete disregard for his feelings and his existence as a human allows us to see that she is deeply flawed. We don’t see any of this from the Gems’ perspectives.
"Mindful Education"
This is when I realized that my own experience was reflected within Steven. Long story short, when I was six, I found out that my dad was not my “father.” My biological father did not want to present in my life, although his family was. I have always been close to my paternal grandparents and I always just assumed everyone had three sets of grandparents. I didn’t know how family worked, I just knew these people were present and special in my life. For a long time, I never thought this bothered me. My step-father had always been by dad and I never thought of my sisters as being different from me. I was loved and that’s what mattered. Then, in 2014, my biological father died in a motorcycle accident. This is when it all began to bubble up: the fear of abandonment, the sharp sense of loss, the guilt of not being able to share in the same type of grief as my grandparents. It was confusing. In the four days that followed, I spent every waking moment surrounded by the myth of my biological father. I never got to know this side of him, I didn’t know him aside from stories about him as a kid, told to me by my grandparents. My mom had always been open about her experience with him, but it wasn’t all bad. From my perspective, though, this man chose to leave me behind. He did cause me extreme pain and insecurity - things that began creeping to the surface about three years prior to his accident. I felt lost.
"Storm in the Room"
After I thought about it, Steven’s journey helped me begin to process some of these feelings. I wallowed in my strange, grief-stricken purgatory for a long time, not knowing what to do or how to feel. I didn’t know if I should feel anything. Steven’s inability to decide how he should feel about Rose spoke to me. Even after We Need To Talk, Steven began to learn more conflicting information about who his mother was. Others outside of the Crystal Gems began to give Steven more insight, including Jasper, Bismuth, and the Diamonds. I enjoyed the depiction of Steven’s growing confusion and resentment - Rose’s choices in life lead to real consequences for her son, mentally and physically. The main arc of Steven’s character revolves not just around saving the world, but also about how he learns to deal with who Rose really was and the ongoing damaged her actions caused. He matures through the series as he begins to understand his own feelings, creating his own convictions in the process.
"Rose's Scabbard"
And then I lost my mind - A Single Pink Rose solidified my bond with Steven. It is revealed that Rose’s secrets ran deeper than anyone could have expected: she didn’t shatter Pink Diamond, she is Pink Diamond. This reveal was both shocking and a little expected for me. I had somewhat subscribed to the Rose/Pink Diamond theory, but seeing it come to fruition made my heart stop. I was so excited that Rose’s character became more complex, her actions are revealed to be much more selfish in nature. The war, the formation of the Crystal Gems, her treatment of Pearl - while she wanted to protect Earth, she also used the guise of Rose Quartz as a way for her to escape her situation. She caused the deaths of many, manipulated her closest friends, caused a desperate amount of grief for her fellow Diamonds, caused the imprisonment of an entire run of Gems; however, she did allow for life on Earth to flourish. Rose falls much more into a grey area.
"An Indirect Kiss"
When I thought of my biological father, I felt torn by his selfish actions that took a piece of me away. When people tell me I have his eyes or I am like him in so many ways, I want desperately to be considered my own person. When everyone seems to know exactly how they feel about him, I feel jealous. It hurts when I hear about the good he did and the love he shared with the people in his life. But, that’s ok. People aren’t black and white, good or evil. People grow and learn - it seemed like Rose learned, too. I have learned as well and will continue to learn.
The way the Crewniverse builds this complex type of grief into Steven’s narrative makes me feel hopeful. Showing kids the idea that people change and can encompass different shades of grey. That that grief is valid. That you can use it to grow and mature. I hope that other children or young adults that have had similar experiences can find solace in Steven, like I have.
"Laser Light Cannon"
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